Running with a Name

I have to share the bad with the good. Today I ran a 5k. I was so excited about my last race I decided to do one more. If that race was titled "Joyful Surprises," this race is titled "A Disappointing Effort."

I still managed 4th place but added a whopping 2:25 onto my time! It was cold and there were about 20 more turns on the course and I have never felt my body lock up like it did during the race and all the guys I talked to said their times were a bit slower too.

But, excuses aside, 2:25 more! Come on.

My previous race time would have placed me 1:30 before the guy who won today. Even when I ran a 5k last week to train I beat today's time (18:30).

What was the difference? Honestly, I ran the race with the goal to win. That was my motivation and I knew I could do it. But about halfway through the race the guys who finished 1 and 2 pulled away from me and I ran ran the last 1.5 miles all by myself.

The previous race I ran with/beside somebody at all times. I moved from pack to pack, individual to individual. They gave me a goal to shoot for, a purpose, a challenge. But today there was nobody there to spur me on. Today with about 400 yards to go another guy overtook me and I just let him go. The drive wasn't there. My body didn't have it. I finished and wanted to re-run the race.

But, really, what was the difference? Purpose. My goal was to win the race, which I probably should have done. The previous race all I wanted was to beat 18:00, and did! That morning I just wanted to run, I just wanted to finish strong, to do my best, to have pleasure.

Last night I watched Chariots of Fire, and this quote kept bouncing around in my head today, "I run in God's name, let the world stand back and wonder."

Warning and Notice: Public Blog Confession: Winning became about my name, not God's.

This isn't about me being "real," or "authentic" or gaining sympathy, or getting more attention through a blog. (It does feels good to share my frustrations and failures, Catholics are on to something with confession).

This is a prayerful reminder for myself and for you to live in God's name.